Hindsight is always 20/20...

Looking back to why I started this blog in the first place I really realize I never should have strayed away from it like I did thinking I had gotten a better grip on things when in reality I hadn't. And what's funnier its almost a year from the time I started to fade from it that I realized that I still need it. Ironic I know. Well to sum it up. I did leave my safe-haven over there to find another one over yonder. Turns out that after awhile my new "safe-haven" turned into my torture chamber. The good and bad news is that some of my best friends were not only the guards and torturers but may very well be my saviors as well, if things improve as planned. I get so involved with stuff, and have the need to be helpful, and always be there for all my friends I let it go too far and push myself past my limits to the outer bounds of my sanity. Especially if it is something that I love, with people that I consider close to family. Luckily even though this "family" helped me get in over my head, and kept me bobbing there when I knew I should get out but didn't want to let them or myself down, they still finally saw what was happening when they put their heads together and thought it through to help me out. They didn't like the answer as best I can tell. I sure as hell didn't like the answer to my problems, but It IS what was NEEDED and I see that now. We all should have seen it months ago when I started to lose my grip but it is easy to get caught up in the "pack mentality" (totally ironic pun that was unintentional until I saw it and now I wont take it out), but anyways back to the point. History repeats itself. Especially if we don't learn from the past. So now I chose more carefully to pay attention to the now and reflect back on it comparing it to the past so that I can better judge my future. The mirror may be broken but each of those shards reflects something important forward. This time I intend to actually pay attention to it. So with that I glance back see the mistakes I made in the past year, and try not to make the same mistakes again.

And yes, I remember I need music to my rants...







Evanescence always helps me when I'm in a mood like this...