They Warned Her She Needed A Wall....

O the holidays... how they eat up all my free time. Working more spending the little time I have dealing with holiday goodness... But that is mostly over. All I have left is the present for my boyfriend and his sister both of which are en-route to me! I can't say what they are in to off chance one of them decides to read my blog but I'm really hoping my boyfriend appreciates how creative I got with it. Speaking of boyfriend... I miss him I really do.



I posted a pic from July on facebook earlier and ever since he has been back and forth in my thoughts. Sure we text back and forth almost everyday, some days more or less than others, but it still isn't the same as being right there with him. I love the phone calls but they never seam to last long enough even if I run out of things to say. I would LOVE to go back and repeat that weekend I spent with him in July, or have a new one just like it. Heck I'd love to spend more than weekend with him. Every once in awhile this long distance relationship stuff gets to me and when I saw that the new batch of Hallmark cards went up today, and they are valentines cars it hit me. 2 years. 2 whole years the week before valentines day. That's a LONG time. Especially since this is my FIRST relationship. Yes we have had our ups and downs and hiccups and such but hey it happens to everyone. I am typing this as I wait for him to call me after he gets off work. Staying up being my sacrifice to make this work since he is 3 hours behind me. I've changed so much since I met him, for the better of course. Through him I have begun to find myself on levels I never would have found without him. One level is expressed perfectly in this song...



And the funny part, when it comes on I go yeah that's me and skip right to thinking about him. He has it as his ring-tone for me. I wish I was dancing in his arms every time it comes on. But for now, until circumstances change for the better, I will settle for this...

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie...

It really bothers me that I can't seam to do it. Especially with the one person that I really need to move past. It's not like online where there is a block and a mute button. Well it kinda is since its online i keep seeing the past pop up. But this is an old friend that I can't seam to shake. Even if I wasn't seeing her comment on one of my friend's Facebook, all my coworkers know we were best friends and always ask me what happened to her. Do I care? Yeah Kinda. Should I? Probably not. What do I say when they ask? Why the hell would I know what happened to the bitch? She taught me stuff I learned from her, but that wake up wasn't a pretty one. And to see HER go and make a blog via routes showing off the profile and making statements I know were to be aimed directly at me. I did the same. I am doing the same now. And I will most likely do it again. But it still hurts. What she has done, is doing, and will continue to do. I see all sides almost clear as day. Everyone told their story and I am sure I made the right choice. Now I just need to get on with my life and live with it. I wonder if she realizes how often she crosses my thoughts. How ofter I go is she doing alright? Was I wrong? From what comes down the grapevines and from what I pickup unwillingly. She kinda is, but I wasn't. But what does it matter?
Why am I rambling on about the past when I need to move forward? This so isn't helping my depression that has hit my like a ton of bricks, off and on the past week, but I need to get it off my chest.


** This part was edited out on request though I will point out out I had never said anything or did anything wrong. I just stated that lyrics from a song matched an event that happened. Like it or not, I did what you asked move along cause that wound is still healing and I'm sick of it being prodded...**


And because it is me here, adding in an Emilie song to make me feel better...

Get Your Paws Off My Cookie...

I find it funny that society is feeding its youth all these talking animals, and other furry type media. Yet in general society furies are classified as weirdos and such. Society and all of its awesome hypocritical nature. Subliminally feeding us all this media and then when we finally get what they are saying and pick up the message they send us we are told that's bad, that's different, stop that and are classified as the extremist of the fetish even when some of us are only a fraction of what the extremist make us out to be. I was more amped up to do this the hour ago when I started... but the catnip in my tea got me distracted...

And now the Music I took the Liberty of selecting for your ears tonight.

BitterSweet HeartBreak...

Okay so over the past week I have had 2 blog posts bouncing around in my head but thanks to finals and stuff I juts haven't had the time to sit down at the computer and do my thing. So here goes nothing...

BitterSweet
The end of the semester is always a bitter sweet time for me. Yay end of that really boring class I had to fight my hardest not to fall asleep in... but it is also the end of that class I loved with the new friends I made. End of the semester projects (all group and all at once x.x) and finals of extreme stress, but wait here comes a "break" at least for a few weeks. Though you can hardly call it a break when you are working ~35 hours vs the ~25 you had during school. Though for a few weeks my days off are as close to days off as you can really get without a literal vacation when you do absolutely nothing. On this "break" I will be cleaning my room and gearing up for next semester. Not to mention I will be trying to come up with money for Christmas presents and my new phone (trying to decide between a Blackberry and an iPhone is hard o.o) and school books... SO I guess I do get a break...and at least 2 of the days I am sure I will do absolutely nothing and not even bother to get out of my PJs... But I will also be getting ready for next semester as best as I know how...



HeartBreak
I really need to learn not to get my hopes up especially after having them crushed twice since Halloween. First with work and everything I've been working towards lately being pushed back till "after the holidays, but it will get done". And then I missed my cousin's turning blue ceremony cause I had to go to the last day of classes. But then my grandma was going to come see me for n hour or so before they flew back west, but she was too tired form the jet lag and getting up early and running around so she will "see me in Spring" which isn't even set in stone, it is merely in the planning phases and she is known for falling through with such plans. So in all, there is a carrot right out of my reach in the workplace and my cousin (who is 11 days younger than me) has joined the military and I haven't seen him in 7 years and have no idea when I will see him again; and my aunt I haven't seen in 10 years and my grandma I haven't seen in 5 were too tired to stay up till I got off work to visit with me ;_; So yeah I need to not get my hopes up cause things never turn out right when I do...




And let's just sum it up like this...