Once Upon Days Gone By...

Both feet planted firmly on the ground,
But my head is stuck up in the clouds.
My thoughts trail off in all directions,
As I try to keep my head on straight.
Emotions running rampant through my brain.
I feel just like I do on a rainy day,
Trapped inside with naught to do,
And all I want to do is run and play,
Frolic as I did in younger days.
Alas those times are long past,
If only I knew then they would not last.
Time has come and gone, It does not stay.
That is the price we all must pay,
To live and breathe another day,
A price worth paying to say the least,
For with it comes many precious gifts.
Joy, love, hope, fear, sadness too,
The precious package we were given,
Trusted with at the beginning.
One chance is all we get,
So keep it safe, and use it well.


Okay so I'm pretty sure it ended up in a direction totally different from where it started but hey it was written on 2 different days so my emotions changed a bit. Heck they were changing as I was writing it at the beginning... But yeah I think this would be my second "poem" I have posted on here... Go me!

Luck Is When Preparation Meets Opportunity...

Which is kinda what happened today...
Well I went to Hot Topic today and I was prepared to buy the new Hey Monday CD and return the dress I ordered online that was too small and find something else to wear. I ended up with my 15% coupon credited back to my account and using it to spend about the same amount I spent on the dress to get 2 shirts and 2 CDs. I have to say that was pretty win! Now if only the dress had fit x.x (I was well aware there was a slim chance it would but I fell in love with the dress online and had to try it was one of those things you just cant pass up if there is a chance it might fit...) O and back to the CDs it gets better than just getting 2 CDs. One of them was on clearance for 4.95 and well the cover stood out to me so i picked it up and looked at the song names... and well with titles like Paramedic , Words, Time of Our Lives, Kick the Crutch, and Sucker Punch (Won't Get Away With It) I just could not resist an impulse buy like that 13 songs for $5 it is hard to go wrong with that. Well turns out I actually really like their stuff. So let's add These Green Eyes to random bands I accidentally find that I love.

P.S. Here is a sample! ;D It is one of the few non-live versions of their stuff I could find on youtube.

Nothing Ventured... Nothing Gained...

Busy, Busy, Busy... and it isn't even Midterms yet...
I am experiencing this odd feeling of being stressed and not stressed at the same time. It is quite peculiar. I guess you can kinda say I'm stressed a bit but I understand it is just totally normal stress as midterms approach and I have a bit of a plan to handle it for once so I'm not just jumping in over my head.
Other than that I've been bad... I went and chased part of my past back and got it back into my life. The Noise it calls me. I have learned from that Volume of the Encyclopedia and have started a new one. It is by far not the same as before. Lots of different people that I don't know from before, I know myself better now, and a lot of the bonds I have with the people that I do know are stronger and more stable than before. Besides the stability of the weekly event that doesn't change much is nice when the rest of my life other than school gets shaken up every week. And even though school doesn't move around that much, it is still stressful. And DeTox once a week isn't stressful (anymore, the bully that hung out is gone). It's good friends, good music, good conversation, and lots of fun. But I mean yes I went back and grabbed a shard of my past, but I'm using it to my advantage and I won't make the same mistakes I did before. I'm not the exact same girl I was a month and a half ago. I have learned a lot and have grown more into my skin. We will see what comes and if need be I can always end the volume and continue on with my life.

And now for a video! Since we all know I like my youtube videos!

You'r In Love With Imposibility...

Idk the title is a quote from Antigone and I just love it even though it hardly fits with the song for today... Well the song more of fits the entire blog... Just listen! =D



I'll even copy the lyrics for you people that don't want to sit through it reading them as it plays...
And I'll change the color of the lines that fit best cause I'm kind bored...

You see yourself being so small
Running into every brick wall
It's not as far as you can go
The road is twisting turning
A life is living learning
There's so much more for you to know

[Chorus]
If you could lock the past away
Step back through the doorway
This ride has just begun
If I could change your point of view
Is there someway I can show you
The best is yet to come

Not every problem can be
Solved so easily
Not every answer is the one
Above the flood of emotion
It's all about forward motion
Define your place in the sun

[Chorus]

Try to hide
It's all inside
You can find a place where the pain and guilt can fall away

If you're spitting truth
Bulletproof
Crashing through the walls that separate me and you

Now you'll find with everything you lose
Your path clears with everything you choose

If you could lock the past away
Step back through the doorway
This ride has just begun
Change your point of view
Is there someway I can show you
The best is yet to come

[Chorus]

Is there someway I can show you
The best is yet to come

*end today's randomness*

Wish Somebody Would Tell Me I'm Fine...

So all of a sudden today I lost all the drive I had rediscovered over the weekend... I was happy, I couldn't stop smiling, I actually took pictures of myself and allowed (select) people to see them. Yet, when I was getting ready for school all my happiness slowly started to drain, which I figured was normal, I mean I DO NOT LIKE SCHOOL, but by halfway through my class I was doubting myself all over the place, and just in a generally emo spiral of emotions. School is starting to feel like a pointless effort I mean most of my classes barley touch on what I actually WANT to do. That and I really am not the most tech savvy person out there I am utterly clueless when it comes to hacking and Piracy yet I am surrounded by people hat do it for kicks and giggles and have ALWAYS downloaded their music and never paid for it yet I'm sitting there little miss goody two shoes never having really pirated a thing in my life... So that then makes me wonder if I'm even in the right field. I mean yeah I love web design but I'm good at the simple and not overly professional, and I can't draw worth shit... Am I going to be able to keep up with my field? Or should I just stay a retail worker drone? And then I think about how hard I work all the commitment I have put into my job, yet I still can't get hat promotion. So does that mean I'm not even cut out for retail? Should I just be what I always feared? The stay at home mom with no responsibilities other than cooking cleaning and taking care of the kids. But wait, I can't cook, and I'm not even sure I want kids... So where does that leave me? Well, yeah I can type, but not fast and not without starring at the computer keys... so that even boots secretary at the office out. And I am over weight and pudgy and uncoordinated... so no dance... be it professional or otherwise... So see this? I'm entirely pessimistic AGAIN I just scratched off almost every job that it would be relatively easy to go to from here, That wasn't even including a major change which, to be completely honest, I could not afford even if I want to have one. So this long drawn out pessimistic rant leads me to the song that started going through my head as soon as I started to doubt myself in class...



I don't know how the rest of you keep your heads on straight... I can barley remember where I put mine... O wait it's on my shoulders... SEE I NEED HELP!... Can anyone help me? *hums to herself rocking back and forth in the dark corner of her room with her iPod playing in the background*

One foot in front of the other...

Maybe now that I'm gone you will realize what your missing. I was always there for you.. and probably still will be, but for now I can't do this. Not after what I have learned. Trust has been lost. The brittle web that connects us is all but shattered, and you have sealed the fate of the last strands by putting this tension between us...
I now watch as the last strand snaps and all I can do is reach out for what isn't there anymore. What once was. But, as is the point of this blog, moving forward remembering to look to the past to learn from mistakes but not clinging to it and letting it haunt you.
There will always be a piece of you here. There will always be the memories good and bad, but for now that last fragile stand has broken and the mirror I held in my hand is falling to the floor and shattering.
With this I turn a new leaf and plant both eyes on the road ahead once more....

I had it... You took it... I want it back...

What's a friend?...

A person that's always there for you no matter what?
The one you tell all your secrets to?
The person you can trust your CD collection to?
Someone you share your drink with even if you *don't share*?
Someone who sits there and fakes it to stab you behind your back?
The one that burns you where it hurts the most?
The one you did that thing with that day that you regretted for the rest of your life?
If that's a friend where do I fall?
Can you trust me?
Will I burn you?
Will you forever hate me for the words I say?
No matter how true they may ring?
Here is my answer for you.
A friend is just that.
The person that sits there and you trust till you turn your back and they use you for their own purposes.
A TRUE FRIEND.
Now those are harder to find.
They are the one that sits there by your side no matter what.
Who has earned your complete trust.
Who will straight up tell you how it is, yet you cant be mad with them for telling you the truth cause you know they are telling it like it is and they would never steer you wrong.
That's a TRUE FRIEND.
The type you want around.
The ones you should hold on to.
Cause once you burn a true friend the wound never quite heals...
And always leaves a
S C A R

Not "Weird"... Just "Different"...

I'm not weird. Nope, definitely not. I'm just different. Unique. Unconventional. Out of the Ordinary. But not "Weird". You get used ot me after awhile. If you don't then well I guess you would define me as "weird" cause you just don't understand. There was a point beyond this but I've gone done forgotten it... Carry on...

Ignorence is Bliss...

Until you find out the cost of rude awakening...
Ignorance causes drama and drama bring you llamas...
Llamas spit...
Therefore llamas are lame...
And you should avoid them...
An easy way to avoid them is by not starting drama...
So in all don't be ignorant...
In the end it makes you look the fool and causes more trouble than it's worth.

And with that I put up the nice sturdy glass house and watch the drama bombs explode while I sit inside said house laughing with a nice view.

Keep Calm & Carry On... Now Panic & Freak Out...

Two sides of the coin that is my life... too bad the second side keeps coming up when I flip it...
I'm good at the freaking out, not so good at staying calm, even when the calm side is up. It's the pessimist in me, I can ALWAYS find something wrong... Call it habit, genetics, force of nature, what have you I still do it and it still is part of my problem... Even as I type this it is taking all my will power not to fall to pieces. The little things add up fast and the leaning tower of emotions is about to topple, and its not pretty when it falls. Especially since I can't just walk away and let the problems blow away; I stack them all back up as best I can and start adding to it again. Even when I can finally remove a piece there are plenty more that fall exactly where the one was before and I can't seam to escape it. I'm trying, believe me I'm trying... baby steps... one foot in front of the other... deep breaths... I think I can, I think I can...
Hopefully I'll get this stress thing under control soon and live a somewhat normal... scratch that life with me could never be "normal"... how about, "stress-free" life...
...*flips the coin again to see where it lands*...

Live...Love...Be...Belive...

Maybe the Crüxshadows were on to something there... I had though of something all insitegful earlier and then my battery ran low.. then I came home to grade Quizzes and well all my energy is gone... I'll probably head to bed and remember what the hell I was trying to say another day... Dragon* Con was fun... too bad it is over :'( ...O well Back tomorrow... maybe... but at least Thursday can't go too long between posts of I might go mad as a hatter *giggles and passes out*

ADLEIAVDE...

That's about what I am these days. Schrodinger's cat has nothing on me. It's how I'm feeling right now... I can feel it all around me everything happening and stressing me out... but I'm almost dead to the world in a zombie-type state where its there I feel it, but it doesn't bother me like it should. Hopefully this weekend, free of real work and full of fun and dressing up and general geek-dom, will cure me from this trance. At least I hope...


And if you really need to figure out the title cause it bugs you like it did me when I first saw it... I gave you a hint or two ... USE THEM!