The Wrong Side of Society...

I'm sitting here going out of my mind... bored stiff, yet have stuff to do... longing for the companionship I just cant seem to find... even my cat has disowned me. :/ What I think I need is good friends and fun times to wind me down and destress me, but *looks around* none of that is really in sight. Yes, Dragon*Con is this weekend but I only know a few people going. Sure I'll make some new friends, and there are some going but I still don't have a group to go with. And when I go to school tomorrow and sit down in the cafeteria I'll be alone except for a book. THIS IS FREAKING DEPRESSING! Why am I so horrible at making friends? Or when I do why can I never make time to be with them cause of school and work? Everyone wonders why I'm always so burnt out and stressed all the time... Well here is your answer... I HAVE NO LIFE! I'm shy, insecure, depressed, geeky, and have major time management issues thanks to a way too flexible schedule at work, so I can get hours in a feeble attempt to support myself... This is me pouring out my heart half in tears as I feel like a total outcast, and I don't like it one bit. I may be blocking my past from haunting me, I may have broken the rear view mirror, but the inner torment soul still is clawing her way through and it hurts. I want to toss everything out the door and start anew, but there are many factors preventing it. I need to finish school. I need to move out. I need a job in the field I want my career in. I can make the past stop haunting me but it will still linger until I can really run and start anew, which wont be for at least 4 if not 5 more semesters, including this one. A few more years and the I can break out of my safety mold and not be so afraid of falling and not have as many factors working against me. I know with a little more effort and some more financial aid I could do it now but its not worth the hassle and fight that trying to get there would cause. I've settled for the past 20 years, I can settle for a couple more; until I can make it on my own without anyone else holding me up when I stumble and fall.

Maybe if I kiss up enough to the cat she'll at least sleep at my feet tonight to comfort me...